Breaking news – September 16, 2011
In unprecedented news, a rouge gang of cantaloupes have been attacking passer-bys. They have taken the lives of two unsuspecting people already. The cantaloupes are using a time honoured war methodology, the Trojan Horse. They lull you into a false sense of security with their sweet taste and general orangeness, and then they attack.
Do not be fooled. Cantaloupes are not our friends! They mean business. If you should encounter any, please exercise extreme caution. Cantaloupes are known to attack with no warning signs, and can even lie dormant for weeks on end before showing signs of life.
This is a public service announcement. Please be on the look-out for cantaloupes. Do not approach under any circumstances. Please contact local authorities immediately.